But he can’t…can he?

My two special children, FN Pokey and SN Gumby, sometimes forget they are in the Navy.  I do not like being interrupted during morning quarters(formation, roll call, etc).  One day, we decided to not wear covers and be informal.  Sn Gumby, the resident sea lawyer(unholy pain in the ass), would not shut up about uniformity.  Being a Petty Officer Second Class, I can usually keep things going.  My pointed reminders to be quiet were falling on deaf ears.  I have a normal speaking voice, and my military voice, which we call a command voice.  I had had enough.  “HAZMAT DIVISION, ATTEN SHUN.  PAH RADE REST!”  We do not speak at parade rest, and it is uncomfortable as hell.  SN Gumby was sure I couldn’t do that.  As soon as he tried to open his mouth, I informed him pointedly that we do not speak at parade rest.  Apparently, he was feeling guilty, because he thought I was going to write him up.  The junior second(an MM2), who had seen the whole thing, pulled him aside and explained that the words this kid was putting in my mouth were never uttered by me.  And, since I was the acting LPO, I did not need anyone’s permission to write him up if I so desired.  I didn’t of course, because our usually short quarters had morphed into twenty minutes of them standing at parade rest.


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